Grace
by WriterJC
Summary: Things go horribly wrong in the DQ


Hello, everyone! I was piddlin' around the house today and this story popped into my head. It's my very first Voyager (or Trek of any kind for that matter) story. And having looked it over, all I can say is, hold on...this one's just a bit strange. But, in any case, comments of any kind are very much welcomed! 

Disclaimer: They all belong to Paramount with the exception of assorted aliens. But then again, Paramount could have them too if'n they want 'em. 

**The opening words belong to the song entitled: "Full of Grace" by Sarah McLachlin, and they are really there cause this was playing as I wrote...and cuz I think it's a cool song. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* GRACE 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

by Jackee C. 

The winter here is cold, and bitter. It's chilled us to the bone. We haven't seen the sun for weeks, too long, too far from home. 

I feel just like I'm sinking, and I claw for solid ground. I'm pulled down by the undertow. I never thought I could face alone. All the darkness, I feel like letting go. 

With all of the strength and all of the courage, come and lift me from this place. I know I can love you much better than this. Full of grace, full of grace, my love. 

A bitter wind blew across the bare enclosure, howling its forlorn song of loss. It was more a cave with bars on one end, actually, doing nothing to keep the brittle cold out. In a corner, Commander Chakotay sat solemn, forlorn as the night sounds he'd grown used to over the past weeks. As he pulled the thin blanket more firmly around his shoulders, his eyes passed over the small group huddled alongside himself in the dark corner. They were a fine crew, but now as the days had dragged on into weeks, their hope was fading. They had no phasers, no tricorders, no comm badges...none of the technology that would help Voyager find them. Oh, he knew they were looking. He was sure of that. But what he wasn't sure of was whether or not she had a reason to continue looking. 

His thoughts were interrupted by the heavy metallic clank of an approaching Zidurian Sentry. A large black shadow, 3 meters in height, appeared before the bars of the cave, blocking the wind minutely as the Zidurian fully materialized. It emitted guttural sounds as it directed the heavy staff it used as a weapon into the enclosure. "Ikai! Come!" It demanded. 

Chakotay moved slowly to his feet, leaving the blanket for the others. When he'd cleared the bars, the sentry poked the staff in his back to urge him along the dusty path between the mammoth black rock that grew at odd angles along the landscape. With the heavy metallic sounds of the Zidurian footfalls at his back, Chakotay concentrated on his surroundings. It was rare that they were allowed to leave the cave on foot. They were normally transported, if that was what you could truly call the Zidurian's technology, from place to place. 

Near as he could tell, this planet was quite a bit distant of the class M planet Voyager had been orbiting when they'd first met the Zidurian people. The brilliant sun of Zidura was barely in evidence here, only a distantly pale haze through the heavy atmosphere. Bright sunlight always reminded him of New Earth and HER. Sunlight reminded him of home. 

* * * 

Captain Kathryn Janeway gazed morosely from her ready room view port. It'd been 17 days since the away team had been lost. 17 days and absolutely no sign. 

The planet beneath was a brilliant shining green, truly an emerald among the rest of the planets of the system. It'd held hope of much needed supplies, and the story of a being that sounded much like the one the Guardian had mentioned. But now that hope was a lingering memory. 

The Zidurian's had been very helpful in the search for Commander Chakotay and the rest of the away team. In fact, Kathryn had been rather surprised at how quickly they'd organized and prepared for the search. It had been almost as if they'd known what she would do before she did it. But still there was something she didn't quite trust about them. 

Turning from the scene, she poured another coffee from the decanter at her desk. He'd given it to her the day before they'd vanished, having found it at one of the many open-air markets. She remembered the way he'd smiled down at her, the bright Zidurian sun hard pressed to overshadow the light in his eyes. She'd returned his smile, suddenly having the feeling of having come home. 

"Paris to Janeway" The voice sounded over her comm link. 

"Janeway here," she responded, falling immediately into Captain mode. 

"Captain, the Comiere is waiting to speak with you." Tom's voice was tight as if there were something more he wished to say. 

"Thank you, Mr. Paris," she responded brusquely. "I'll take it in here." 

* * * 

For a brief moment Chakotay thought he saw a flicker of light up ahead. It was there, and then it was gone, lost in the mists. They'd walked for several minutes more in the darkness before they were clear of the rocks. Out in the open the chill intensity of the winds hit him full force, tearing even through the layers of his uniform. 

He found that he had to bend double to remain up right. He carefully glanced behind to see how the Zidurian was faring. 

"Id'ziCat!!" It spoke, catching him in the side with the staff. Then he felt the wrenching of the transporter pulling him apart atom from atom. When he materialized, strapped to a dull gray bio-bed, every nerve ending in his body screamed for release. Having gone through it all before, he simply breathed through it...after a minute the sensation passed. 

Moments later, Chakotay was surprised when a door slid to one side to reveal the reptilian features of a green clad Zidurian. The sentry was no where in sight. He couldn't remember having seen an un-amoured Zidurian since they'd been taken from Zidura. 

The green robes swished softly as the Zidurian stepped closer. "I see that you have survived your experience well." The creature spoke in clear federation standard. 

The surprise must have shown on Chakotay's face because the Zidurian continued. "We have been studying your people for these past times...pardon, days as you say. You are remarkable and we are honored to have met you." 

"Honor?" Chakotay begged to differ. "If you've studied us as you say, you'll know that kidnapping and imprisoning others against their will is not what we view as honorable behavior!" 

"Yes," the Zidurian conceded, coolly. "But this is our way. You see, Commander, our people lack something that you have in abundance. We are honored to have met you for *this* reason." The Zidurian fell silent and gazed at Chakotay as if he were waiting for something. 

"Then you will release us back to Voyager?" Did he dare allow hope to bloom in his heart? 

"I will release 5 to return to Voyager," the Zidurian answered. 

"But there are 6 members of the away team," Chakotay stated, hoping that the Zidurian didn't fully understand the counting system and had simply answered in error. 

"Yes," the Zidurian agreed. "But we require one." At Chakotay's expression, he continued not allowing him to ask the question that would follow. "I know you do not wish this, Commander. But the decision you would eventually come to is that *you* would be the one. But it would take time, precious time, that is needed for your journey home. And in the end you would stay, anyway. And having come to that conclusion, you would want to speak with her, first. But that cannot be. So...what is your decision, Commander?" 

"It appears that you've already made if for me," Chakotay shot back. 

"Very well, Commander. We thank you." With that the Zidurian stepped back away from the bed and motioned a finger toward the door. "Begin!!" he called. 

Chakotay moved to turn his head as the walls themselves began to move. But an instrument rotated up and out of the bed, clamping his head in place. There was a sharp sting and something penetrated the base of his scull. For a moment he was reminded of the borg consciousness. Then there was a tugging in his mind that grew stronger and stronger until it felt as if every thought, every inclination was being twisted, changed and masked so that he couldn't reach them. And he was cold, not just physically, but mentally. Chilled. Without hope. 

When it felt as if the cold and darkness would over shadow everything, and that he would loose the very essence of what was himself, the Zidurian turned to him. "There is still hope. I will leave you with that." 

* * * 

"Yes, Comiere Solarr?" Janeway punched the key on her console. 

"Captain Janeway," the green robed Zidurian stared coolly from the view screen. "I have news for you. We have found your away team." 

Janeway's gazed sharpened on the reptilian face as she paused a moment to gather herself. "Are they all... unharmed?" 

"Ah, yes, Captain," the Zidurian stalled. "They were found among a group of radicals known for political abductions. One of them, however, will not be able to be returned to you...unharmed. We have replaced him, as is our custom." 

Janeway's heart nearly stopped. "Replaced? What do you mean, replaced?" 

"A life to replace the life you lost. We are honored to have met you, Captain." The Zidurian faded as the connection was severed. 

"Which one!" Janeway demanded of the now blank screen. Moving out of her chair and unto the bridge, she turned to Tom Paris. "Hail the Comiere, Lt." 

"Aye, Captain," Tom responded quickly to her orders. 

"Sickbay to Bridge." 

"What is it doctor?" Janeway asked impatiently, she didn't have time to deal with him at the moment. 

"Captain, I think you should get down here." 

"Captain," Tuvok spoke calmly. "Six bodies have materialized in Sickbay." 

"Thank you, Mr. Tuvok," she answered the Vulcan, and moved quickly toward the turbo lift. "How's that Hail coming, Paris?" 

"No response, Captain." 

"Mr. Tuvok, you have the bridge." And then she was in the turbolift. Blissfully alone with her own fears. She wouldn't allow herself to think as the turbo lift made its way to its commanded destination. 

She burst into the doors to find the doctor working quickly at an instrument panel. Five forms were arranged on bio beds, while the sixth, a Zidurian stood staring at the pock marks on his three fingered hand. The doctor looked up at her approach. 

"Commander Chakotay was not among the crew members who were returned." 

Janeway looked at him but did not acknowledge his statement. She simply moved along the row of beds, accounting for each member. Smith, Kowski, Carey, Tev, and Kim. She turned sharply back to the doctor and then toward the Zidurian standing in the corner. She was not ready to give up, yet. 

"What happened to Commander Chakotay?" she demanded of the stunned 

Zidurian. Instead of behaving like the remarkably cool aliens she grown 

used to, the Zidurian took what appeared to be a fearful step backwards. 

Ordinarily the oddity of behavior would have given her pause, but the 

whereabouts of her first officer, alive or...otherwise was her top 

priority. 

"Paris to Janeway." 

"Janeway here." 

"Captain, we've reached Comiere Solarr." 

"Transfer it to Sickbay," Janeway replied, and moved toward the Dr.'s offices. "Come with me," she told the still stunned-looking Zidurian. It followed. 

"Captain Janeway," the Comiere greeted her cordially. "I thought our business was concluded. You have your lost crew and you have the Ubu. Why do your people continue to contact us?" 

"Comiere, it is our custom to mourn the loss of our companions. We would like to have the remains of our remaining crewman." 

"I'm afraid that is not possible, Captain," the Comiere responded. "Ours has been a helpful relationship. We have given you supplies and aid. And you have given us...something special as well. As I said before, we are honored to have known you." 

Janeway took a deep breathe, "Comiere, I cannot leave here without the body of my missing crewman." 

"Captain Janeway, Do not mistake the fact that we do not desire to travel the galaxy as weakness. We have come to know your people well. Our technology is far superior to yours. So, I ask you now to leave before we are forced to prove it." 

The Zidurian Ubu stood by as the human Captain argued with the Comiere. He saw her segmented form in a kaleidoscope image through the faceted Zidurian eyes. When the Comiere broke the contact she bowed her head in defeat. Head still low, she tapped her comm badge. "Janeway to Tuvok." 

"Tuvok here," was the immediate response. 

"Mr. Tuvok, we have a Zidurian guest who, it seems, does not belong with 

us. Please escort him to the transporter room and have him transported 

back to Zidura." 

"Aye Captain." 

"Janeway to Paris." 

"Paris here." 

"Set course for the Alpha Quadrant, Mr. Paris, and wait for my mark." 

"Aye." 

The Ubu continued to look at the Captain as she sat silently. Then moving as if the motion required Herculean effort, she pushed herself up from the chair. When she lifted a hand as if to touch her comm badge again, he saw that it trembled. He wanted to cradle it in his own, but the sharp nodes on either side of his hand would prove painful to her. So he simply stood and watched her. 

When the Sickbay doors slid open for the security team, she straightened, and gestured that he follow. He shook his head 'no'. 

"You want to remain?" Janeway asked, surprised. "Why?" 

He nodded, but said nothing. 

"Is it out of duty to your people? You do not have to stay unless *you* wish to do so." 

The Ubu stood his ground. 

"Well, Mr. Tuvok," Janeway said tiredly. "It looks as if we have a new crewmember. Please find quarters for our guest." 

"Aye, Captain," Tuvok smoothly switched gears, and lead the Zidurian out 

of Sickbay. 

That done, Janeway gave one more order. "Janeway to Paris." 

"Yes, Captain?" 

"Engage." 

"Captain...?" Tom began, but Janeway cut him off. 

"That'll be all Mr. Paris." 

The walk to her ready room was a vague memory as she finally allowed herself to think about what had happened. He was gone. Each breath became a challenge, her heart felt as if it would burst. To never again see him smiling that mysterious dimpled smile of his was too much to ask. Everything was so much colder here. No more hope. She wanted to scream, cry out her anguish, but the Captain's face had to hold a little longer. 

How was she going to tell the crew? 

She collapsed onto her sofa as the ready room's doors slid shut. The carafe still sitting at her desk caught her eye - the final straw. Hot tears spilled over, choking in their intensity, a pouring out of her soul, a mourning of a part of herself, now gone. 

Her door chimed in the midst of her grief. She struggled to compose herself, but found that the tears did not wish to stop falling. 

The door chimed again, and by sheer force of will she pushed them back. "Come," she called out finally, after having dimmed the lights. 

The Ubu walked into her ready room. 

She stood quickly. "What can I help you with, Mr. Ubu?" 

The creature didn't speak but continued forward, never removing its eyes from hers. She stood her ground. "I asked if there was something I could help you with," she restated. 

The Zidurian nodded and reached toward the carafe, picked it up and handed it to her. 

Janeway frowned. "You want something to drink?" 

Ubu shook his head in a gesture that closely resembled frustration. He then gestured that she follow him. For a moment she just looked at him and frowned, but then she followed. 

He led her to the turbo lift. 

"Where do you want to go?" she asked once they were inside. He gestured his head in a downward motion. After no small amount of gesturing she was able to determine that he wanted to go to deck 4. That deck led to quarters for the command staff. 

A vague suspicion began in the back of her mind. When he came to a stop before Chakotay's quarters, she looked more closely at the Zidurian. There was something about his eyes. Slowly she overrode the lock on the quarters and allowed the Ubu to enter. 

Once inside, she called for lights. All the memories rushed over her in a wave at seeing his personal space. She clamped down on those emotions and turned back to the Zidurian. He'd moved unerringly toward Chakotay's medicine bundle. 

She wanted to scream no to this creature touching Chakotay's things, but something, some sixth sense stopped her. She watched in growing amazement as he sat as Chakotay had and laid out the items. The way he caressed the items was so painfully familiar, she gasped. 

"Chakotay!" 

The Zidurian looked up at her, and she saw that there was moisture spilling from the facetted depths. 

"Janeway to Sickbay..." 

* * * 

Chakotay opened his own eyes and looked up into the smiling ones of Kathryn Janeway. He would happily awaken to that vision any day. The next thing he did was to look at his hands. He was happy to find that they were his own. 

"Kathryn," he smiled at her. "Thank you." 

"Thanks yourself," she returned. 

"What for," he asked in mild confusion, happily loosing himself in her eyes. 

"For coming back to me," she said softly. 

A politely cleared throat broke up the intimate reunion. I've finished my investigation of the...'shell' in which Commander Chakotay was encased. 

"All right, Doctor. Report." 

"The shell was fitted with all types of nueral transmitters, mostly telepathic frequencies. It appears that the Zidurians were peering in on the emotions and thoughts of Commander Chakotay and anyone nearby. There was also this." The doctor held up a small black disk. 

Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged worried glances. "What's on it?" Chakotay asked. 

The doctor raised a brow before inserting the disk into a nearby console. "We shall see." 

The face of Comiere Solarr appeared across the screen. "If you're getting this message, Captain and Commander then you've discovered the Ubu. An Ubu is a gift of life. Our Ubu for your Ubu. Our people desire sensation Captain, we find it life sustaining as well as...intoxicating. Your people have an abundance of emotions that we've taken the liberty of harvesting. The greatest and most intoxicating of all is that which you call 'love'. You've provided us with an ample supply for further study and synthesis. We are honored to have met you. Your ability to love truly is your grace. Bear it well." 

As the screen again darkened, the Doctor sniffed and went off to occupy himself elsewhere. 

~End. Comments? 

Notes: I KNOW it was weird...and I did warn you... :-) This is what happens when you write a story while aggravated with your spouse. ... gotta get decaf... 


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